Parenting 1: The developing (tween-teen) brain
I have been invited to do a series of short segments for CMS parents and teens. So – I’m sharing with you. Here’s the first. Recent research confirms what many of us have known intuitively, the brain in children and teenagers is a work in progress. This doesn’t imply that the teen brain is less efficient than adult brains, in fact the opposite is probably true. It means that the parts are maturing at different rates and the very rapidity of change makes the brain exquisitely sensitive to both internal emotions and external influences. What happens? An extensive remodelling,...
Read MoreMars and Venus? Understanding our sexual response
We are sexual beings: man and woman, before God and each other. It is the way we are created. It applies to our body, brain and behaviour. Yes, including our sexual behaviour. And it is good. In fact God says it is very good[1]. We need to embrace this complementarity if we want to have the best sexual relationship possible with our spouse. When it comes to our sexual response, there are certain basic processes in both men and women: There is sexual desire, which is a brain event signalling a wanting or motivation for sex, the body response of sexual arousal, and finally, the brain...
Read MorePregnant – and Sexy?
You waddle into the room. You feel – huge. Just yesterday in the bathroom mirror you saw the shiny stretch marks on your once tight and taut abdomen. Your breasts feel like melons. Your legs like tree trunks. Sexy is what you do not feel. And yet – your husband wants to make love. He says you look lovely. ‘Ripe’ he said! Or maybe you have just found out that you’re pregnant, and wonder how it will affect your sex life. You have so many questions. Let’s try work through some of them: Is it safe to have sex when pregnancy? If you have a normal pregnancy, you can have sexual intercourse as...
Read MoreHoneymoon Sexpectations (a blog for newly weds)
You have kept yourself pure – and finally it’s here. Your wedding night. You can let all your inhibitions go. You will have amazing, mindboggling sex. Desire unfettered by the boundaries you have placed on your intimacy will result in earth shattering simultaneous orgasms. Maybe it lived up to your expectations. If so, well done and congratulations. Read on anyway, you will learn ways to keep the spark in your relationship alive and growing. However, there are many couples for whom the experience of sex during the honeymoon and the first months fail dismally to live up to expectations. Some...
Read MoreEngagement 6: What if I have done something unwise?
What if? Some of you may have already given in to the temptation to have sexual intercourse, either with the person you are engaged to or someone else. Or maybe you haven’t had sexual intercourse but have come close—so close that you feel ashamed and guilty. On the other hand you might have given in to lust and watched pornography. Or you may masturbate regularly and feel bad about it. Some of you may have even been sinned against—a victim of sexual abuse or rape. You may have discussed this with someone. But more likely it is your secret, and hiding it makes you feel dirty and ashamed, or...
Read MoreEngagement 5: Dealing carefully with sexual desire
Engagement 5: Dealing carefully with sexual desire Testosterone runs high when you are in love. Recognise this. Accept it as God’s gift to you and resist the temptation to allow it to overwhelm you and develop into lust. How do you do this? Discipline your sexual urges and fantasies Being in love will fill your mind with your loved one when you are not together. This is normal and healthy. However, be careful how you think about your future husband or wife. What actions and activities do you think about when you imagine the two of you together? In Romans 6:11–13, Paul urges us to ‘not let...
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