Porn as a relationship breaker:
Over ninety per cent of men would have viewed porn in some form before marriage. Many are occasional users, going there when stressed, tired or as a release for sexual tension. However, the images and behaviours they see wheedle their way into the brain. Porn sex does not include affection, intimacy or expressions of love. There is no kissing, cuddling or foreplay. The focus is on male pleasure with an apparently ever-available complaint partner. These expectations get carried to real life relationships, with unreal expectations of sexual behaviour, abuse and finally infidelity and...
Read MoreA letter to a porn user
Dear John I talked to your wife today. She is deeply distressed. I think you can guess why. She feels it is her fault that you are into porn. That she is not as sexy as the women you see in those images. Or because she is unwilling to do some of the sexual acts you have asked her to do. You have promised her before that you would give it up. But you didn’t stop did you? In fact you have gone from images to videos and now watching on your i-phone. And you have come up with excuses. As a therapist I have heard these all before. You say: ‘I look, but only very occasionally’ –...
Read MoreSexual Desire: Purity and Porn
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Pornography and erotica saturates our culture of today. From the sexualised Bratz dolls our little girls play with to the faux dominatrix gyrations of pop stars in the latest music video and free amateur porn videos posted on YouTube; there is no getting away from the Pornification of society and the porn aesthetic of culture. Pornography by definition is the...
Read MoreThe power & passion of sexual desire
Sexual desire is powerful…. We need to understand it so we came take charge of it and direct it to Gods Glory. Shakespeare’s Romeo understood the power of sexual desire: “Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers eyes. Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall and a preserving sweet.” Sexologists recognise it. 21st century researchers John Bancroft having worked in sex all his life says in a recent paper that “for most important aspects of our lives (including sex) we will never know...
Read MorePassion: Dealing with love and desire
What is this passionate attraction between two people? That in-the-clouds feeling of wanting to see, do things with, make love to – just be with the beloved? That burst of energy when you see her. That heart palpitating pupil dilating feeling when he walks into the room. You are fearless; you would do anything, say anything, and fight any battle for the loved one. The beloved is perfect, faultless, precious… angelic. Okay, this may be a little over the top. These are the feelings of Limerance or romantic love. And it is associated with changes in your brain that make you focus your energy on...
Read MoreThe sexual fallout of rejecting God
Eve and Adam didn’t accept God’s rule. They wanted to be in charge of their life, do their own thing. God was a killjoy, a spoilsport. Tempted by Satan and believing his lie (Genesis 3:4b-5) “Surely you will not die, for God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will open and you will be like divine beings who know good and evil.”; Eve rejects God’s rule on her life. Adam follows. They allow the created thing (the snake or Satan) to instruct them and the follow it rather than God. Naked and ashamed: The first consequence of disobedience to God’s design is (Genesis 3:7) is that “…...
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