Engagement period 4: Engaged the world’s way or God’s way?
A couple fall in love. They get engaged. And then, in the heat of the moment, engulfed by romantic love and passion, they make love. This is an expression of lust. Lust is an emotion that interprets the feelings of love as an act of self-focused gratification. I want to own you, to possess your body. The result is premarital sexual activity. What is the long-term outcome of lust? Many young adults cycle between cohabiting partners in the search for lifelong marital partners. This may represent a form of intensive dating that ultimately leads to marriage, perhaps after living with several...
Read MoreEngagement period 3: dealing with love and desire
So – you are ‘in love’. Got that in-the-clouds feeling of wanting to see, do things with, make love to—just be with—your beloved? That burst of energy when you see her. That heart-palpitating, pupil-dilating feeling when he walks into the room. You are fearless; you would do anything, say anything, and fight any battle for your loved one. Your beloved is perfect, faultless, precious … angelic. This is romantic love, or as the scientists call it ‘Limerance’. And they are the result of changes in your brain that make you focus your energy on one person. You are motivated to pursue this...
Read MoreThe engagement period (2)
‘Will you marry me?’ Her boyfriend asks. “Yes” she replies breathlessly. This implies an agreement. They make a promise to each other to use the engagement period to prepare themselves for the union of man and woman that marriage involves. Have you as a couple sat down together and considered what marriage truly mean? A Christian marriage is not: A contract that is nullified if either party doesn’t keep to the prenuptial agreement; An agreement where one or the other partner moves on if he or she is dissatisfied sexually or otherwise; An open relationship where monogamy is optional and...
Read MoreThe engagement period (1)
This is first of a series of blogs on the engagement period. If you are engaged – or planning to get engaged, this is for you. These are sections from our book “The Best Sex for Life” available from the CEP store. What does this time between the diamond ring and wedding band involve? Is it just a time for planning the wedding ceremony? How many bridesmaids should you have? Who will be groomsmen? There are many things to organise, such as the hall, the catering, the music and the perfect wedding gown … and don’t forget the church service. Wait – it’s about making sure you start...
Read MoreSexual integrity in a sexualised world
We live in a culture soaked in sex. From sexy clothes for children, medicalisation of sexual desire, genital reconstructive surgery and pornography, we have sexualised, objectified and commodified our bodies and our sex lives, and some would say our very souls. The very tools that provide us with information and relaxation feed our brains with a diet of varied, perverse and outright dangerous sexual mores and values. Our brains pick up the worlds seductive siren call and allow it to direct our behaviour. Sex sells-and how! We are entertained by TV screens, video games and the internet. In...
Read MoreIt feels great to masturbate. But is it okay?
I keep getting asked about masturbation – so, I’m taking time out from gender to tackle the “M” activity. Masturbation, jerking off, shooting the cream, Mrs Palmer and her 5 daughters – call it what you may, solo sex is just that – self stimulation of the genitals to ejaculation and orgasm. We don’t have clear statistics, but some therapists tell us that 90% of men say that they masturbate and the other 10% are lying. The statistics are even harder to come by for girls. Why is something so common so feared? Historically masturbation has been seen as a display of...
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